Hook-ups, relationships, marriage, kids, family: the good old fashion dream that has been spun generation after generation for quite literally since the dawn of time. Partnership. It's no secret that human beings seem to work better in groups, or with people in a cohesive environment. We tend to be more efficient, more successful, and overall, have a quality of life seems to be that much better than that of life of as a lone wolf.
The Complexities of Care
How is it that we can begin to understand the complexities of a relationship between two people? Some of us ebb on the side of "let the river take me where it may" and others decide that they want to have a structured path to the "white picket fence," but neither really creates a guaranteed path or happiness, fulfillment or just about anything. As human beings, I believe that we try our best to simplify ways of human interaction to some how make it less cumbersome, to remove accountability, to remove the sense of responsibility that comes with introducing a person, persons, or communities into our seemingly already complex lives.
Like, for example: look at the ways we need to care for ourselves. A body, a human body, is a lot to care for. We need to feed ourselves the proper forms of nutrition, we need to drink the right amount of water from certain sources, we can't have too much sugar, and we have to worry about support of those basic necessities: like jobs, homes, safe areas; but wait, it doesn't stop there, we have to socialize, and even those who are incredibly averse to social interactions, they find ways that are comfortable to them to syphon small drops of social interaction to appease the minds desire for the dopamine we get from social interactions. When the pandemic happened, we realized just how important those interactions are, and how much we gain from them as human beings along side our list of basic needs.
Hooking-up, and Our Averse Reactions to Coupling
Let's look into why someone may actually choose just sex over a functioning relationship in modern day...because let me tell you: as I've gotten older and had the chance to pretend that casual sex somehow breeds detachment to the idea of actually wanting a relationship, I've come to realize how silly and useless it is to just have sex in an age where we have sex toys, and other things to pleasure ourselves without attachment, if that is what we truly want...which it isn't because I think we've effectively learned to lie thoroughly to ourselves about our true needs. I mean really think about it guys...how does casual sex feed your sexual needs as a human? Stimulation, and orgasm right? We get that, in the flesh, from human closeness, and ability to connect with another warm body. We get to connect socially with them while we engage with them sexually by hearing their vocalizations of pleasure, or smell their pheromones that subconsciously are picked up by our minds that believe bodies are bonding, etc.
Now that sounds like a semi-dumbed down, and boring explanation of an amazing hook-up, I know (Laughs unironically); but again, I urge you to ask yourself, with all of those social cues, and emotions that flood your body with the interactions of sex, post-sex, how is it, that we somehow expect something without emotion, or something with detachment from such a beautiful thing? Unless, we are managing to sabotage or trick ourselves (we are). I really do, wholeheartedly believe, that we 'youngins' are hurt emotionally, and generationally; by either past experiences or our introductions to relationships as young, impressionable children that have forever altered our ability to dive into situations of love. I don't think think this started with the Millennials or even the Boomer generation that bred a lot of abusive relationships for Millennials to witness and become averse to.
I think it began when we abandoned the prospect of soulmates and romanticism. We abandoned the idea of coupling based on strength, love, and passion; and truth be told, I'm not sure when that happened, but I'm pretty sure that idea has been murdered in the souls of humans for as long as humans existed. We've always flown on either side of the extreme. Either complete open sex with zero commitment with zero safety or emotions, or the idea that one partner with no connection and the ability to provide with no passion and the procreational need is somehow enough simply for the perpetuation of your family line (because love is a childhood fever dream). Again, I know that sounds extreme reading...but thats where we have flown as a society...on either side of the extreme.
Why is it that the idea of finding someone you are passionate for in every way, and can reciprocate such a horrible idea to some? Why is there so much shame just to get to that?
Closer Than We've Ever Been
I don't want you readers to believe that this article is meant to drag anyone for their choices, because I've had my fair share of indulgences. I think that as a society we are closer than we've ever been, but also somehow further. We have the freedom of expression, but we still have shame attached to it. I remember mentioning before that we are simply not honest with what we want for ourselves....and I'm not sure why. Perhaps because being honest with yourself and what you want tends to breed judgement in our communities. When we think about simply being honest with what we want, and going for it, we first think about all the roots of social opinion that may tie us down in our own personal community of family and friends, and our past decisions that are rooted along side that.
How can I do what it is that I want without everyone hating me? The answer is: you don't. When we have a clear vision of what it is we want, we draw a path to it and we walk it we actually end out upsetting very few, if any people at all. Now, I need to outline that doing what it is you want for yourself in the positive is what I am outlining here...I am not talking about poisoning your body with drugs and alcohol or giving into toxic addiction that hurt you or others around you in the spirit of "doing what you want."
We live, currently, in a society of poison where we abandon water for sugar, vitamins for drugs, and exercise for TikTok in the extreme ways that we do most things. Do I think an occasional shot of tequila is going to kill you? No. Do I think that taking drugs makes you a bad person? No, and in regards to prescription drugs, those can be necessary to level you temporarily to clear the fog and help you understand how you can choose a better option for recovery if that's what you want. Do I think that having a soda from time to time means you're dooming yourself to a life a diabetes? Also no. lol.
Once we stop living in the extremes, start listening to our minds and our bodies for what they crave, and figuring out how we can reach those paths with health in mind, we can truly reach happier states. We have jobs, we have responsibilities, we have dreams, we have hopes, but all of those things somehow become harder when we have a body and mind that are failing on us because it's tired of asking for the same things over and over again: love, nutrition and the pursuit of the fulfillment that those two aforementioned things bring.
Hooking up can be fun, it can provide a rush, but its not a substitute for giving yourself what it is your mind and body may need in the deeper layers beyond that. Indulge, but don't forget that at some point you might be missing the root cause beyond your basic horny, and desire to remain apathetic to the body and mind's needs.
Signed, The Daily Potato